Right now, nothing really phases me or makes me alarmed.

It’s kinda strange, but you’ll understand if you’ve felt the way I do: you miss the emotions, something striking you enough to provoke a feeling. Because when nothing really makes you feel a sorta way but here and there, you really begin to wonder about your unaffectedness. 

Nice teeth, deep eyes, and some curls to play with.  Raw, total honesty, even if it hurts, because I like hearing his every thought and I hate not knowing.  When he calls me baby, and his occasional nicknames for me (ahem).  The good type of silence.  That he makes me think harder and second-guess myself because he’s the only person I cannot read like a book.  His uneven eyebrows, his bone structure.  Warm sweaters, torn shoes.  What he reads, what he listens to, how he walks (yes, even that).  How we are around each other, what we talk about.. some things you just know.

Every single memory I have of him has run through my mind a hundred times, at least.

Probably the most cheesiest post I’ve ever written (and I’m sure there’s quite a steep competition for that), but I’ve had a lot on my mind that I needed to release somewhere.

Thinking about my dorm’s beautiful lobby (a refurbished hotel, of course) and the company that it carries (my favorite security guard), it will be quite nice coming back to the city that never sleeps.  Home has been everything I’ve wanted it to be, but good things can never last that long and I’ve got to get back into the real world that involves studying my ass off, cheering my ass off, dancing my ass off, basically every situation involves loss of my ass, hehe.

It’s strange that the one thing I’m really looking forward to is the school aspect.  I’m taking a creative writing class that focuses on a global view, and I purposely took no math or science classes.  Hey, I slaved away in my physics-based astronomy class last semester and I deserve a break, especially since this is my last semester at this school and I want to be able to enjoy it.

The only thing I regret is that Choya will not be returning to New York with me.  My gay husband, my soulmate, the apple of my eye, what is the NYC version of Kiana without her Choya?  Honestly, it’s a hard question to answer.  Anyone who knows me or him (which is a hell of a lot of people since this bastard knows everyone in our building) is fully aware that we’ve always been attached to the hip.  Thank goodness he’s visiting and we’ll still always Skype on the regular or I could just shrivel up and die, I’m honestly lost sometimes without him.  He’s my sanity.

I have no idea what to expect when I come back to cheering.  I’ve missed it, but I also miss having free time.  I’ve never been able to simply BE without having my hands full of responsibilities, and college cheering is just the same.  But at the same time, I’ve made my very best friends through it and it’s given me such a great experience.  Unfortunately I’ve recently gone to the doctor and he told me my ankle is still sprained so he wants me to rest it, meaning I have no idea how it will affect my athletic ability.  I’ve stayed off and rested it for over month, and I just found something wrong in the fact that my ankle still throbbed.  He wants me to start physical therapy, gulp.

Aside from it all, I’m going back to the city with a cleared mind and an open heart.  I really hope everything goes well and will be a distraction from the boy at home.