At least I’m happy either way.  Meaning, I’m perfectly content with my life and I wouldn’t trade any of what I’m doing right now for anyone else’s experiences.

It’s just I wish so much time of mine wasn’t spent on thinking about a significant other.  That enough bothers me like nothing else, the fact that one person can affect me so damn much.  I sit here, appalled at the world whenever I’m offered anything less than the best, yet here I am feeding all of my desires and wishes into someone who does (I think?) or does not feel the same way.  (Does/does not.. What am I even doing with my life?!)  I mean, why should I let someone monopolize so much of my time unless I can get that same satisfaction?

I’m giving my friend relationship advice (Lord knows I’ve been in enough of those to hand out advice like cupcakes .. insert some other simile here if necessary), and though I’m preaching about self-happiness, I’m still greedy and want more out of things.

Is that what a relationship is, greed?  Think about it.  ”I want this boy/girl.  I want them to be with me and only me.  I want them to buy me nice things, especially on holidays or the ridiculous excuse for presents that is an anniversary (at this point I’m just being cynical.. I KNOW how important anniversaries can be, ya’ll).” The list goes on.  Yes, I understand that love and relationships are not so two-dimensional, and I cannot cast everyone into this category, but it is the vast majority.. and the vast majority are lucky bastards that are in relationships, but taking advantage of them with this greed.  Some don’t even know how lucky they are, do they.

Then there are those people use relationships to try to find happiness they should already have within themselves.  They look at a boyfriend or girlfriend as a conceptual aid, as if placing a title on two human beings makes for instant gratification or miraculously just gives them a new piece of mind.  Er, well I guess it sort of can, in a way, give you a new piece of mind, but it’s the fact that those people are searching for it! As if relationships will solve all your problems! Well, maybe yes, if you heap all your problems on your significant other.  But you should be getting my point.  Take a few times to read over all of this again if you don’t. 

What I think I’m trying to say is that in my experience, I realize people can’t go looking for a relationship to be like a medication.  If you throw yourself in too hard without realizing what you’re doing, you could walk out of it with the same head on your shoulders, which may or may not be a good thing, depending the type of virtuous person you are and how much self-growth you had done before the relationship.  Don’t go looking for change, because in that mistake, you won’t find any.  You’ll be the same, selfish person who was greedy and just wanted something to call their own.

I have no idea what I’m rambling about.