I apologize for my absence. It’s just that I feel so different than I did before, and so much has been going on that I have not found the motivation to express my differences on here.
I thought about getting a new tumblr, for my fresh start in a new place. It feels so nice, by the way.. the whole ability to be whoever you want and not a single soul in the area knowing who you are. It’s all so quite scary, and sometimes I hate it. I miss familiar faces and people automatically knowing who I am because I was so known in my hometown. But change is always good. It’s a wake up call, what the real world looks like. I now chuckle at how everyone in my hometown complains about how they want to leave it so badly, for they wouldn’t last very long any place else, especially not here in New York City. The world outside of our sheltered town is scary, and time stops for no one. I don’t think they realize how priviledged they were, how many opportunities they have, and though some people there suck, the place is beautiful and there’s nothing else quite like it.
I came to a school full of kids from a small town that wanted to get away. They were born in stuffy towns with populations of 1000, graduating classes of 30. The thing is, their escape is New York City, a place so impersonal.. the heart of it is hard to find sometimes. I pity the fact they did not grow up in Virginia Beach, where every opportunity and outlet is available and if you don’t like one set of people, there is still another. Our population is bordering 450,000.. if you don’t like one circle of people, there’s thousands more. But at the end of the day, you’re still comfortable and the streets are still clean and sirens aren’t your bedtime bells. These people that wanted to escape, they would’ve been a lot better off if they fled to Virginia Beach. Just sayin’. It’s almost sad that as they complain of having to visit home, in my mind I’m thinking about how there’s really not much to complain about at home.. from how I explain it (as unbiased as possible), it sounds like a utopia to people here.
But I’m straying. Wow, I haven’t blogged in forever so it feels nice to make my ideas concrete once again. As I was saying, I was thinking about a new tumblr that’d better fit my new mindset and whatnot, but that defeats the point of a tumblr’s creation in itself. I mean that what I post on tumblr defines me, for I record every thought, feeling, rant, and picture I love. It’s only right that my transition as a person should also be recorded on here.
Being in New York, I’ve gained a new appreciation for life. I’ve already felt so much in such a small span of time. I’ve fallen in love, out of love, I’ve experimented with the drugs, I’ve talked up with band members without knowing they were band members on the rooftop of a beautiful hotel in Brooklyn, been a flyer for a college cheer team, danced in the cobblestone streets, I’ve ventured through the Occupy Wallstreet movement in Zuccotti Park, I’ve danced on tables in shady clubs, everything that there is to love about the place I now live. Yet I still cannot wait to come home in a month or so. Yes, the long agonizing hours on a cramped bus it worth sleeping in my own big bed and being with my family. As much as I cannot see myself living anywhere else from New York now, it still isn’t a home.. just a nice, long, adventurous vacation.
There was no purchase, no give. It was like I kept running headfirst into a brick wall instead of trying to find a doorway. But there were no doorways. There were no windows, no openings on this brick house you built around yourself.
