SO annoyed right now.  How people talk and furtively dodge what they mean to say makes me question that anything people tell me is even real.  Everyone is just acting, looking out for only their best interests and can’t ever just be sincere.  Where have all the good people gone?  I may be in one of those harder of times, but all I’m gonna do is be better than it all and it’ll work out, I’m sure.

A month in a half, and I’ll be a 5th Avenue girl with my darling new friends.  I’m not the type who should feel this way, I wasn’t meant to be this kind of person.  I need to get out and feel change.. Perhaps I’ll meet good company who won’t feel like such a different life form.

Then I realized how I probably feel that way for a lot of people without noticing it.  They’re just so tedious and I could mute them for a week or so and I wouldn’t miss a single thing, nothing meaningful or interesting would come out of their mouths.  I then ALSO hoped that I’d never be so terribly boring that somebody would feel that way about me.

(Day 29 - In this past month, what have you learned)

I have my ideal future planned out for the most part, I know what I like and what I loathe, and I can depend on myself.  However, I have no idea what the fuck goes on inside my own brain.  It occured to me today that I get along so well with people who have it all together, I admire it.  By this I mean that they fit their little idealist mold, being so sure of themselves, their concepts, a lock on their state of mind, and depth flowing out of their ears.  But I’d much rather venture off with somebody, who, like me, still needs to figure all that bullshit out.

thingsbeyondthings:

We are all selfish people, there is no such thing as a selfless act. Everything we do is to benefit ourselves and often we are too caught up in our actions that we forget how others would feel. We become oblivious enough to discard the hurt we may inflict on others. and  we never even think to see how we would feel in their shoes, in their position. Selfish people we are, and we wont change.

Funny, I feel like I talk of this concept often. Our wasteful generation, heartless and only going upon one’s own best interests. But it’s different reading these words from someone else; in all this world of hurt, there’s still gotta be hope.

that those kids who ask too many questions and listen to real music are always the ones I could probably relate to best, but they annoy the shit out of me.

I’ve realized that a person doing one specific thing can change my whole aspect of them. Curses! Don’t know if I’ve mentioned before, but it becomes clearer and clearer every time it happens. It’s quite lousy, I can’t help it, and it’s making daily conversations quite hard.

The fact that all of my friends and coworkers are dissapearing for college is becoming quite apparent to me, which just further reminds me that I’m now a senior, meaning  I’m being pressured to start the college applications I am so, so terrified about. My college is my ticket out of this place, and believe me, I’m ready now. The chance of being rejected from the one opportunity I’ve been counting on all these years is the worst thing that could ever happen to me, and I’m just not ready to go through the agony of waiting just quite yet yet. I gotta get my SAT’s up and stop procrastinating, and hopefully my final plan won’t go down in flames.